Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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