Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
