I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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