I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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