You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
