Can i not drive my cunt home
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
