I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
