Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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