If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
