I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
smell my finger.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
