You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
