you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
