I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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