I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
