I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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