2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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