My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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