nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
