kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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