you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
