New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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