worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
