Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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