i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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