I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
