You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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