Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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