do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
