This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
