just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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