so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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