FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
