so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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