Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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