Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
