I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
