Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
