Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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