Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
