Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
