why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
