Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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