Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
