quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
