I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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