hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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