No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
