She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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