my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
