He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
