It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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