Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
