saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
