He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
