Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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