If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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