Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
