so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
40s are totally the cure
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
