no. you can't hotbox the world.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
