No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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