Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
