Fuck appropriateness.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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