What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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