It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
