I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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