I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
