We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just pee around me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
