I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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