I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
