i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
