Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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